"One who recognizes his faults diminishes its consequences." ( from the book of Sirach, forgot the verse number)
I hope it's not yet too late for me to undo all the wrong things I've done.
Everything that's happening right now is worrying me to death. I'm so stressed out. What was I thinking when I did that? Sheesh...... If I can just go back in time.
May I wish again that this solution I'm thinking now is the right one.
After working for three years here at _____, I've finally realized it is the time for me to move on and explore other options. There's this desire within me telling me how good it is to be able to hand over your resignation letter to the hr department and finally be able to say "I'm finally out, goodbye, I'm done here."But the sad thing is I don't want to go jobless as we enter the holiday seasons. Plus, my brother is still out of work and my family badly needs my salary. And our boarding house is still short of boarders. What a life I'm living right now!
But on the positive side of things, my family may be experiencing financial woes but were still not that down compared to those who don't have anything more to eat, wear and stay in. I'll just need to hang on.
Whatever difficulty I'm faced right now, God must have allowed it all to happen because He has a greater plan in store for me. He will never let me down if I'll just learn to put all my trust in Him and follow His will.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Thursday, October 21, 2004
On death....and missing my mom
While having a small group discussion in class last week, my classmates strayed from the topic and started talking about the late Rio Diaz Cojuangco.
Suddenly, I feel uneasy, would I join the conversation or would I just remain silent and pretend I'm not interested
They were exchanging feelings - how one classmate cried upon hearing the news, how another was extremely sudden about it and how the other took the news. They were also talking about how one can get cancer.
Unable to continue with my indifeerence, I finally had to say my piece.
My mother died of breast cancer eight years ago. I was just thirteen when she was diagnosed for it. She had a radical mastectomy of her left breast and after that operation were series of chemotherapy, radiotherapy and other treatments. For four years she was in and out of the hospital - for check-ups, another operation when the cancer cells spread to her left arm lymphnodes and when the cancer cells methasthesize to her lungs, doctors had to drain blood and water from her lungs almost on a weekly basis.
After telling my story, my classmate asked me "Buti, di ka naiiyak?"
Why should I cry? At least my mom's agony is over. Right? But my not crying does not mean I'm not hurting or I'm not sad.
Saying the story is somehow therapeutic for me - it helps me come to term with her death and the sadness that comes with it.
I miss my mother so much. I miss the things we do together and I miss the thought of my mom worrying about how her daughter is doing. Most days, I don't think about my mom because that will make me longed for her more. It will just make me wished she's still here to see me when I get married, have kids of my own and succeed in my chosen profession.
I know its comforting to think that from a far she can still see me and what I'm doing. And I believe she does see me. But I still want her physical presence, to be able to hear her, to talk to her and to have her hold me. I know its impossible - just wishful thinking.
And how did I take Rio 's death? I was sad.....extremely sad.....for her kids. Because I know that even if years may passed, one's longing for one's mother will never end. And when someone leaves you, they will leave a empty hole in your heart that no one can ever fill up.
Suddenly, I feel uneasy, would I join the conversation or would I just remain silent and pretend I'm not interested
They were exchanging feelings - how one classmate cried upon hearing the news, how another was extremely sudden about it and how the other took the news. They were also talking about how one can get cancer.
Unable to continue with my indifeerence, I finally had to say my piece.
My mother died of breast cancer eight years ago. I was just thirteen when she was diagnosed for it. She had a radical mastectomy of her left breast and after that operation were series of chemotherapy, radiotherapy and other treatments. For four years she was in and out of the hospital - for check-ups, another operation when the cancer cells spread to her left arm lymphnodes and when the cancer cells methasthesize to her lungs, doctors had to drain blood and water from her lungs almost on a weekly basis.
After telling my story, my classmate asked me "Buti, di ka naiiyak?"
Why should I cry? At least my mom's agony is over. Right? But my not crying does not mean I'm not hurting or I'm not sad.
Saying the story is somehow therapeutic for me - it helps me come to term with her death and the sadness that comes with it.
I miss my mother so much. I miss the things we do together and I miss the thought of my mom worrying about how her daughter is doing. Most days, I don't think about my mom because that will make me longed for her more. It will just make me wished she's still here to see me when I get married, have kids of my own and succeed in my chosen profession.
I know its comforting to think that from a far she can still see me and what I'm doing. And I believe she does see me. But I still want her physical presence, to be able to hear her, to talk to her and to have her hold me. I know its impossible - just wishful thinking.
And how did I take Rio 's death? I was sad.....extremely sad.....for her kids. Because I know that even if years may passed, one's longing for one's mother will never end. And when someone leaves you, they will leave a empty hole in your heart that no one can ever fill up.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
hurting!
I really feel bad today! I guess it has something to do with what happened yesterday.
I feel betrayed and used
When something of this sort happened, you start questioning whether it pays to be good. I mean, you treat others well and then they repay you with something evil. I'm not very particular with receiving payment when I've done something good to others. You don't have to feel indebted to me for what I did, just don't do anything bad to me. How can people be so evil.
It really hurt, the nerve to do that to me.
I guess I haven't learned the lesson here because it always happened to me. But what can I do? I'm so trusting of others and its hard for me to comprehend that people whom I trust and treat well can harm me. Should I always think at the back of my mind that this person will hurt. Its hard for me to understand that because I don't think ill of others. And I really believe that "do unto others what you want others to do unto you." is the way that I should live, hoping that others have the same belief. If only all people abide by that then I guess this world will definitely be a better place to live in.
I feel betrayed and used
When something of this sort happened, you start questioning whether it pays to be good. I mean, you treat others well and then they repay you with something evil. I'm not very particular with receiving payment when I've done something good to others. You don't have to feel indebted to me for what I did, just don't do anything bad to me. How can people be so evil.
It really hurt, the nerve to do that to me.
I guess I haven't learned the lesson here because it always happened to me. But what can I do? I'm so trusting of others and its hard for me to comprehend that people whom I trust and treat well can harm me. Should I always think at the back of my mind that this person will hurt. Its hard for me to understand that because I don't think ill of others. And I really believe that "do unto others what you want others to do unto you." is the way that I should live, hoping that others have the same belief. If only all people abide by that then I guess this world will definitely be a better place to live in.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
wonderful tuesday
What a wonderful tuesday!.
My morning started with Boyet giving me a pillow. It's a powerpuff throw pillow with Bubbles as the design. He brought me the pillow to make me sleep comfortably while in the office during lunch break. You see I have the habit of napping in the afternoon. After lunch, I really feel drowsy and I need to doze off even for a few minutes or else I'll be slow and irritated the rest of the day. The nap afforded me a chance to regenerize myself.
Midmorning, Mr Catindig, our Operations Manager, called. I'm usually apprehensive when he calls because it's usually has something to do with sales, how we must improve our sales and get more clients. But I was so suprised when he told me to tell Boyet that he(Mr. Catindig) appreciated the work Boyet did yesterday,since Boyet was able to surpass the quota set and continue to keep up a job well done.I'm so happy for Boyet, that his work is recognized. Even if the praise was directed to Boyet who's my co-worker , I'm so motivated to work even harder today.
Come lunchbreak we were able to reach our target number of clients already, at least the rest of the afternoon will be a bliss. Meeting a target number of clients can be very stressful. Well, I'm not really in charged of the sales, it is Boyet's job, but working at the same site, I also feel the pressure.
My morning started with Boyet giving me a pillow. It's a powerpuff throw pillow with Bubbles as the design. He brought me the pillow to make me sleep comfortably while in the office during lunch break. You see I have the habit of napping in the afternoon. After lunch, I really feel drowsy and I need to doze off even for a few minutes or else I'll be slow and irritated the rest of the day. The nap afforded me a chance to regenerize myself.
Midmorning, Mr Catindig, our Operations Manager, called. I'm usually apprehensive when he calls because it's usually has something to do with sales, how we must improve our sales and get more clients. But I was so suprised when he told me to tell Boyet that he(Mr. Catindig) appreciated the work Boyet did yesterday,since Boyet was able to surpass the quota set and continue to keep up a job well done.I'm so happy for Boyet, that his work is recognized. Even if the praise was directed to Boyet who's my co-worker , I'm so motivated to work even harder today.
Come lunchbreak we were able to reach our target number of clients already, at least the rest of the afternoon will be a bliss. Meeting a target number of clients can be very stressful. Well, I'm not really in charged of the sales, it is Boyet's job, but working at the same site, I also feel the pressure.
After work, there's the racket (he...he...he...) that I must attend to and evening classes to go to. I'm a very busy gal. But since, I still have two hours to burn before my 7:00 pm class, I went to St. Joseph's Church to hear mass. I need to quiet my soul , listen to God and thank Him for the graces He has showered me with.
At my Guidance and Counselling class, I got a perfect score for my written unit test. Ang galing noh! Working and studying at the same time yet still delivering well in both. Unlike, when I was a full time student at UST, I was not really doing my best. I feel that I shortchanged myself during that time. Anyway, thanks for second chances. I enrolled in a supplemental course in education because I wanted to prove something to myself......that I'm good and capable of anything I put my focus into.
By the way, before heading off to my class, I saw a book on feature writing. I promised myself I'm going to buy one so I can polished my skill in writing. Who know's I might excel in it and even have an article published on national circulation. Yeah, me becoming famous.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
shopping
I love shopping alone. Most girls would love to shop with other girlfriends or with their special someone for bonding. I don't. The reason behind this would probably because I don't want my companion to get tired. You see when I shop I really browse for the thing I like and that would take a lot of trips to different stores.When you're with someone you have to think of them - being bored or tired. Plus, I view my shopping as a time to treat myself. And usually after shopping, I would eat alone at a food stand that I haven't tried at all. It afforded me the time to just be with myself and I actually enjoy it.
People close to me would say I'm kuripot or stingy but I view it as wise spending of money, I just know hove to handle my finances well. I went to my friends's house and his grandfather asked to see my hands because his grandfather was into palmistry. The grandfather told me if he's a lot younger he'll marry me because according to him the lines in my palm indicate how I'm able to control myself in spending and I'm good at budgetting. My would be husband won't go poor if he had me.
But it doesn't mean that I shortchanged myself in food or clothes. I dont' sacrifice the quality just to save.I just know if something is worthspending for or not. And just because I'm stingy doesn't mean that I have a hard time sharing my blessing with others. It's actually the opposite because I know how to handle my money it gives me opportunity to save and share with others what I have.
People close to me would say I'm kuripot or stingy but I view it as wise spending of money, I just know hove to handle my finances well. I went to my friends's house and his grandfather asked to see my hands because his grandfather was into palmistry. The grandfather told me if he's a lot younger he'll marry me because according to him the lines in my palm indicate how I'm able to control myself in spending and I'm good at budgetting. My would be husband won't go poor if he had me.
But it doesn't mean that I shortchanged myself in food or clothes. I dont' sacrifice the quality just to save.I just know if something is worthspending for or not. And just because I'm stingy doesn't mean that I have a hard time sharing my blessing with others. It's actually the opposite because I know how to handle my money it gives me opportunity to save and share with others what I have.
Saturday, October 02, 2004
my first thoughts...
Finally, my own blogspot. I've been reading the entries of my friends and it's nice that I can share my thoughts with others as well. But as for now, I'll remain anonymous. Later on when I'm comfortable with the idea of expressing what's really on my mind and having people read it for themselves, I'll be able to really put my name on this blogspot.
Why Anne Blythe? It's the name of a character in one of my favorite books - Anne of Ingleside by Lucy Maud Montgometry. I like her a lot because she's intelligent, compassionate and she know's what she wants;and I want to have what she had, a wonderful husband and six good children (not that I want to have six, two will do for me.)
I don't have anything more to add, it's just that I'm so happy that I have this blogspot that I can't think of anything else except that happy thought. Mababaw noh! But that's how I feel. I used to have diaries before and then I got tired with the idea of writing with pen and paper, and it's great that I have blogspot where I can journal everything. It's like having a diary again.
Why Anne Blythe? It's the name of a character in one of my favorite books - Anne of Ingleside by Lucy Maud Montgometry. I like her a lot because she's intelligent, compassionate and she know's what she wants;and I want to have what she had, a wonderful husband and six good children (not that I want to have six, two will do for me.)
I don't have anything more to add, it's just that I'm so happy that I have this blogspot that I can't think of anything else except that happy thought. Mababaw noh! But that's how I feel. I used to have diaries before and then I got tired with the idea of writing with pen and paper, and it's great that I have blogspot where I can journal everything. It's like having a diary again.
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